Keeping New Year Resolutions: A Developmental Approach
It’s that time of the year where millions around the world will make New Year resolutions. Whether getting back into shape, procrastinating less, better study habits, deepening our romantic relationships, or some other topic, we will set out with resolute determination to finally make a change that we have long been wanting to make. However, statistics show that the vast majority of us will fail to achieve our change. After an initial spurt of inspiration and conviction, after just a few months we fall back to our habitual ways of doing things.
Why is this? Why is it so hard to make a change even when we really want to?
The challenge is that over our lives, we have developed a set of habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. What we call, our Current Way of Being. This Current Way act as a sort of gravity. While we may temporarily shift our normal behavior, over time, gravity tends to win and pulls us back to our old habits.
Traditional methods of creating change in our lives focus on fighting this gravity. We may think, “I simply need to put more energy into it.” And so, we double our willpower, make another resolution, and set forth even more determined. And yet, once again, we are pulled back to our starting point. Again defeated by the gravity of our current way.
Other times, we think, “I simply need better tactics!” and thus we hire a new personal trainer, find a new gym, try a different app, or the latest productivity hack. We’re certain it will work this time! And yet, all too often, we find ourselves back where we started.
💡 The secret is simple: rather than fighting gravity, turn it off.
At the core of our Current Way of Being are what we call Core Beliefs. These are beliefs that are foundational to our very identity. By discovering and challenging your Core Beliefs, you can turn off the gravitational pull of your Current Way of Being. In the absence of this gravity, you can easily take yourself where ever your heart desires.
Discovering Your Core Beliefs
To identify the core beliefs that are holding you back from making a change you deeply desire, we find the the following steps are an excellent place to start:
Discover your underlying fear or worry.
Think back to a moment where you had the choice to act in accordance with your desired change, but, instead, you fell back to your old habitual way of behaving. Ask yourself:
What was it about the idea of acting in accordance with your desired change that seemed unappealing to you in that moment? What would have been the undesirable impact? What were you worried about?
☞A recent client of ours, whom we’ll call Peter, had been struggling with maintaining a regular fitness program. Preferring to relax on the couch after work rather than go to the gym as he had promised himself. After thinking through the above questions, he realized that in going to the gym he feared he was “wasting what little relaxation time he had for himself.”
2. Discover the core belief that underlies that fear.
This fear is supported by a deeply held core belief. Explore the thoughts behind this fear to see if you can discover the underlying core belief. In doing so, you will see clearly how the core belief directly fights against your desired change.
☞After thinking deeply about his underlying fear, Peter discovered the following core belief: “I’ll never achieve the results I want, thus trying is just a waste of my time.” No wonder he felt such little motivation. Deep down, he believes that working out is a waste of time, and he fears losing what little relaxation time he has. Thus, you can see how this core belief directly fights against his desire to get back in shape. This core belief was the underlying gravitational pull that kept Peter from making the change he desired.
Challenging Your Core Beliefs
Having discovered an underlying core belief that is holding you back, we recommend two starting points for weakening their hold.
Shift your desired change topic from an external to an internal focus.
Externally focused change topics ultimately depend on other people. Either other people giving you something (e.g., a pay raise), validating you in some way (e.g., saying you look good), or selling you something (e.g., your dream car).
Internally focused topics come from your inner voice and depend only on yourself to achieve. You can tune-in to your inner voice by simply asking yourself:
“In this particular area of my life, how do I truly desire to feel?”
We call this your core desired feeling for that particular life area. Any action you take should be in support of this core desired feeling.
☞Peter realized that his desired fitness results were externally focused as they were ultimately about being viewed a certain way by other people. By focusing on his inner voice and asking himself how he truly wanted to feel in the area of health & fitness, he discovered he desired to “feel energized”. Rather than coming home from work feeling sluggish and tired, he wanted a sense of aliveness and vibrancy. With this subtle change in topic, Peter shifted from an external to an internal focus.
2. Take small actions to test your core belief, and record the results.
Testing a core belief means taking an action that is:
Different from what you would normally do; and
Challenges your core belief.
Since core beliefs are designed to protect you from a perceived danger, challenging them is always a bit uncomfortable. The secret is to pick a test that is slightly uncomfortable, but still doable.
☞Peter’s Test: Peter had a core belief that working out is a waste of time, but with his new change topic focused on “feeling energized”, he created the following test:
Over a two-week period, after coming home from work each day and before settling into his routine, he would do a quick at-home series of exercises:
2–3 strength focused moves (e.g., push-ups, sit-ups, air squats, etc.)
2–3 yoga focused moves (e.g., plank, twists, leg stretches, etc.)
Then, he would note in his journal how he felt both before and after the short exercise session.
Test Results: Peter discovered that he felt more awake and energized after performing the short exercise set. Thus showing that exercise can help him achieve his desired state of “feeling energized” after work. It also proved that, with the right focus, exercise is not a waste of time, directly countering his core belief. With that, a big chunk of gravity evaporated for Peter.
The Power of Developmental Growth
While challenging core beliefs is powerful at creating sustainable change, it simultaneously builds the necessary developmental muscles to drive changes in all areas of our lives. Consider for a moment the muscles Peter had to develop:
He increased his emotional intelligence by recognizing the fears underlying his resistance to exercise.
He increased his somatic (physical body) awareness by noticing his energy levels both before and after exercise.
He grew his inner voice by asking himself how he wants to feel in the area of fitness & health.
He increased his cognitive awareness of how his underlying beliefs drive his emotions, which in turn drive his behavior.
These are the type of muscles you develop when you focus on developmental growth. Even though focused on making a change in the area of health and fitness, the developmental muscles that Peter developed will ultimately make him more effective in all areas of his life.
Developmental Growth is the Crux of Leadership
I started Profound Shift on the belief that the secret to driving transformational change (whether in ourselves, our communities or our workplace) is a laser focus on developmental growth (both personal and organizational). The modern corporation cannot adapt to shifting economic and workforce demands without changing its organizational mindset. Likewise, we can’t solve our world’s most pressing problems (whether climate change, economic in-opportunity or political polarization) from the same mindset that created the problem. However, as we collectively shift to higher stages of development, we can make progress against our most persistent challenges. These massive shifts start with small shifts in our self awareness, which a challenge as simple as meeting a New Year resolution helps drive.
